To those grappling with identity issues as adoptees, this blog seeks to offer more than just sympathy—it's about providing clear, empathetic guidance and practical steps to help you discover your true self.
Being an adoptee wasn't your choice, but it significantly shapes your identity. Coming to grips with this reality can be tough, leading to feelings of identity mismatch, crisis, or trauma. Society's understanding of adoptive trauma is often superficial, expecting adoptees to feel grateful for their 'better life.' This overlooks the deep-seated grief adoptees may feel, akin to mourning the loss of an entire family—a grief that often goes unrecognised and unacknowledged.
Furthermore, adoptees face statistically higher challenges in mental health and socio-economic stability. With a notably higher likelihood of needing mental health services and facing challenges in employment or education during their youth, adoptees often find themselves part of a community bonded by shared grief and struggles.
But you're not just a statistic, and your feelings of identity grief are valid. It's not just about feeling connected through shared pain. It's about understanding and overcoming it. This blog aims to move beyond the generic advice of 'being patient with yourself.' We want to offer concrete steps beyond mere platitudes, recognising that adoptees deserve more than just being told to 'stay positive' in the face of challenges.
There's even a term coined for this identity journey you're on, ‘developing an adoptive identity’. While it might seem like just another label, it's a recognition of your unique path towards self-discovery and acceptance. This blog is here to support you every step of the way.
Identity Starts at Birth: The Foundation of Self
Identity formation is a process that begins right from birth, with most of its development occurring during adolescence. The term essentially revolves around how we perceive ourselves as individuals. For adopted children, this process can often involve leaving behind a part of their original identity, leading to profound questions like, "If I had been brought up with my birth family, would I be different?". It's crucial to understand that this isn't about having an incomplete identity. Rather, it's about embracing a unique one.
Cultural Identity: Bridging Two Worlds
The Influence of Adoptive Families
A study of 25 adoptees across a broad age spectrum revealed that many attribute the core of their identity to the influence of their adoptive families. Adoptive parents and family members play a critical role in shaping adoptees' personalities and life perspectives, with many adoptees acknowledging that these familial relationships have moulded their entire sense of self.
However, this influence isn't always straightforward. Some adoptees report feeling a disconnection or a sense of being an outsider within their adoptive families. This feeling of not completely fitting in can be challenging to navigate. For some, establishing communication with their birth families provided significant insights into their identity. Learning about physical resemblances or personality traits common in their biological family gave them a sense of closure and understanding, helping to explain certain aspects of their identity.
The quest to understand one's family and ancestry is a basic human desire, central to self-awareness and life's meaning. Adoptees often face a scarcity of information about their cultural, genetic, or medical backgrounds, leading to feelings of disconnection. This scarcity can create a unique challenge in their journey of self-discovery.
So, how can we address this practically? Next, join us as we delve into a few practical ways we believe may help ‘bridge the gap’.
Encourage Cultural Connection
"Cultural connection" refers to the bond or relationship a person has with the cultural heritage, traditions, practices, and values of their community. This connection is particularly significant for adoptees, especially those adopted into families of a different cultural or ethnic background.
Our Advice
Celebrate Festivals from both cultures. Participate in traditional festivals and holidays from both your birth and adoptive cultures. For example, if you're of Chinese descent but were adopted by an Italian family, you could celebrate Chinese New Year as well as traditional Italian holidays like Ferragosto. This can involve preparing special meals, engaging in specific customs, and understanding the significance behind these celebrations. You can consider creating new family traditions that blend elements from both cultures. This could be as simple as celebrating a traditional holiday from your birth culture with a twist from your adoptive culture's traditions, or vice versa.
Make an effort to learn and blend culinary traditions. Cooking is a wonderful way to connect with cultural heritage. Try learning recipes from both cultures and experiment with fusing them. For instance, if your birth culture is Mexican and your adoptive culture is American, you might enjoy making dishes that blend these culinary styles, like a taco with ingredients typically used in American cuisine.
If possible, learn some of the language of your birth culture and incorporate it into your daily life. Additionally, listening to and appreciating music from both cultures can be a delightful way to connect with your heritage.
Engage in arts and crafts that are significant to both cultures. This could include traditional crafts from your birth culture as well as those from your adoptive culture, allowing you to explore and express your creativity while honouring both heritages.
Encourage family members from both sides to share stories, histories, and experiences. This can help you understand the backgrounds of both cultures better and see the unique journey your family has taken.
External Perceptions
"External perceptions" refer to how others view and interpret an individual's identity, often based on stereotypes or preconceived notions associated with their racial, cultural, or social background. For adoptees, especially those in transracial or transcultural adoptions, external perceptions can significantly impact their sense of self and how they navigate their identity.
Our Advice
Start by educating yourself and others, if you haven’t already. If you are a transracial adoptee, you might encounter stereotypes about your birth culture. In response, you can educate yourself about the true aspects of your heritage and share this knowledge with others. This might involve respectfully correcting misconceptions. Websites like CultureGrams and World Culture Encyclopedia can offer valuable insights into different cultures, easily and accessibly. This goes hand in hand with educating yourself about your rights as an adoptee. Laws may have changed over the years, and educating yourself is the best way to understand how, when and where you came from.
Educating others may look like having open and engaged conversations with your loved ones. When faced with misinformed views or stereotypes from peers or even family members, initiate an open and honest conversation about how these perceptions affect you and why they're problematic.
Getting support doesn't have to be in the form of a support group. In this day and age, support comes from many different avenues. From podcasts, books, art, television and more. And, what about Instagram? We know you sit there scrolling…
You can enhance your understanding of adoption through others. Just an example of a few accounts to get you going:
Kira's Instagram Journey: Discover Kira's unique adoptee story; as an adoptee reunited with her birth family and now a parent, Kira shares her experiences. Her insights on open adoption and the significance of maintaining a relationship with the birth family are enlightening.
A place to share: This page is a unique space for adoptees to candidly share their stories, offering a mix of education, enlightenment, and entertainment. It's a platform that views adoptee experiences through a semi brutal, but also funny lens.
Angela Tucker: Starting as a personal blog, Angela Tucker's 'The Adopted Life' quickly evolved into a community hub for adoptees from closed and transracial adoptions. Her blog openly explores her emotions and experiences as a transracial adoptee.
Each of these social media accounts offers a unique window into the world of adoption, providing invaluable insights and resources for anyone interested in the topic, whether they're directly involved in adoption or simply seeking to learn more. There are quite literally hundreds of thousands of people who have accounts sharing their stories.
If you're struggling with your mental health related to your identity, there is no shame in seeking out professional support. Particularly since COVID-19, there are plenty of online therapy sessions available, and many professionals who specialise in adoption or multicultural issues can offer targeted support.
Racial Identity
A "racial mirror" refers to seeing oneself reflected in others with similar racial or ethnic characteristics. It's especially significant in the context of identity development and self-perception. For adoptees, particularly transracial adoptees (those who are adopted into a family of a different race), having racial mirrors can be a crucial aspect of developing a healthy sense of self and belonging.
For adoptees who are raised in families or communities where they're the racial minority, the lack of racial mirrors can lead to feelings of alienation and confusion about their identity. Thus, seeking out communities, media, and role models that provide these mirrors can be a vital part of their identity development and emotional well-being.
Our Advice
Actively seek out role models and figures who reflect your racial or ethnic background, or even more specifically, those who are adopted or who have adopted. Engaging with media, literature, and community leaders who share your heritage can significantly impact your self-perception and worth. There are so many resources online that point you in the direction of famous activists who are using their voice in a positive way to help with racial bias and may help you, with identity struggles, too.
We hope that was Helpful
Navigating identity as an adopted individual can be compared to piecing together a mosaic. Each element, whether from your birth or adoptive culture, adds a unique beauty to the larger picture of who you are. While the journey can be intricate and challenging, remember that your unique story, shaped by dual heritages and personal experiences, is invaluable and worth exploring. Being an adoptee is a part of your identity, but it doesn't define you entirely. Your journey is about embracing and crafting your unique story, with all its complexities.
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