Life story books are a fundamental part of the adoption journey for many children. They serve as a bridge connecting adoptees with their past, helping them form a coherent sense of identity. This is particularly important for those who may have experienced multiple placements or a lack of continuous personal history.
Of course, discussing identity is a far larger topic and spans many elements of an adoptee's journey. Our recent blog ‘Embracing your Journey: Navigating Identity and Healing’ discusses identity and healing, where the overarching message is one of empowerment: encouraging adoptees to piece together their unique identity mosaic, embracing their journey with all its complexities and beauty. We recommend reading this blog first, as it will provide a background for understanding the importance of life story work.
What are life story books, exactly?
A life story book, in the context of adoption and foster care, is a personalised record that documents an adoptee's or foster child's life history. This book is a detailed compilation that typically includes photographs, narratives, personal documents, and memorabilia, providing a tangible timeline of the child's life. It chronicles significant milestones, relationships, and experiences, often starting from birth and detailing the journey through foster care and adoption. Life story books serve multiple purposes: they help children understand their past, form a coherent sense of identity, process previous experiences, and connect with their biological and adoptive histories. This tool is especially valuable for children who have undergone multiple placements or lack a continuous personal history, helping them establish a sense of continuity and belonging.
UK Legislation
In England and Wales, life story books are a legal requirement for adopted children. They should be provided to the child and their adoptive family within ten days of the adoption celebration hearing, ensuring the child has access to this important tool from the start, reflecting the importance placed on this practice. The life story book is more than just a collection of facts and photographs; it is a tool that enables adoptees to understand their unique story. It provides a narrative that helps fill in gaps in their personal history, which is especially crucial for those who have experienced early childhood trauma, loss, or multiple placements.
“Children separated from their birth families are often denied the opportunity to know about their past and to clarify past events in terms of the present. They may have changed families, social workers, homes, and neighbourhoods. Their past may be lost, much of it even forgotten. Losing track of the past can make it difficult for children to develop emotionally and socially. Life story work is an attempt to give back some of this past.” (Ryan, T and Walker, R, 2016).
Life story work in the UK goes beyond merely creating a life storybook for adopted children. It's a comprehensive process that involves various activities and tools designed to help these children understand their history and heritage. This includes building a narrative of their personal experiences and background to foster a sense of identity and belonging, encapsulated in the question, "Who am I and where do I belong?".
It's not just about the book
The process is multifaceted, involving not just the compilation of life story books but also engaging in activities like play, memory boxes, photograph albums, and even safe and appropriate online recordings and social media events. These elements often intertwine, offering flexibility in their application based on the child's needs. A key aspect of life story work is the establishment of a trusting relationship between the child and a supportive adult, be it a social worker, foster carer, or adoptive parent. This relationship is crucial for guiding the child through their history and helping them to process their thoughts and feelings, particularly around the reasons for their adoption.
Life story work is collaborative, involving contributions from various parties including birth families, social workers, foster carers, and adoptive parents. It's not just about understanding the past; it's also about building a foundation for the child to think about their future, even when this involves addressing stressful or anxiety-provoking issues.
For adoptive parents, life story work is an opportunity to strengthen their attachment and bond with their child, enhancing empathy, understanding, and sensitivity. It's a therapeutic journey that helps children make sense of their past, especially in cases where they might blame themselves for being taken into care due to abuse or neglect. Through life story work, children can reframe their thoughts and feelings, developing a narrative that fosters a sense of safety and security within their adoptive families.
Therapeutic aspects of life story books
Creating and using a life book can be therapeutic for both the child and the adoptive parents. It aids in:
Processing and making sense of past traumas and experiences.
Building a stronger sense of identity and self-esteem.
Strengthening the bond between adoptees and their adoptive families, as it involves shared efforts in understanding and acknowledging the child’s past.
Serving as a starting point for discussions about difficult and sensitive topics related to the child’s history.
For adoptive parents, life story books are a resource to understand their child’s background better and to empathise with their experiences. This understanding is crucial in addressing behavioural or emotional challenges that may arise.
Important tips when creating a life story book
When creating a life story book, it is essential to balance sensitivity with honesty. The contents should be age-appropriate and presented in an understandable and relatable way to the child. Items like family trees, photographs of birth parents and siblings, and records of significant life events are commonly included. It is also important to involve the child in the creation of their life book, allowing them to contribute their memories and perspectives. The contents of a life story book typically cover several important aspects:
1. Information about the child’s birth and possible siblings
This includes details about the child’s birth family, the time and place of birth, and any siblings they may have. Documenting key milestones and events in the child's life, such as birthdays, first day of school, hobbies, and achievements, is vital. This not only celebrates their personal growth but also helps in building a continuous narrative of their life, providing a sense of continuity and personal history. This means incorporating elements of the child's cultural and religious background too, especially for children adopted into families with different cultural or religious practices. This can include festivals, traditions, languages, and beliefs that are part of their heritage. Be creative with how you show this information. It doesn’t have to be boring.
2. Foster care journey
The book should document the child’s experiences in foster care, detailing the foster carers they have been with and the reasons behind their journey to adoption.
3. Adoptive family details
As the child integrates into their adoptive family, it's essential to continually update the life storybook to reflect this significant phase of their life. This section should provide a comprehensive and heartwarming glimpse into the life they are building with their new family. Key aspects to include are:
Family profiles - Introduce each family member with their names, photographs, and a brief description. This might include their roles within the family, hobbies, professions, and any unique traits or interests that define them. It's important to illustrate how the child fits into this family dynamic.
Home environment - Describe the child's new home, including the neighbourhood, house, the child's room, and favourite spaces. Include photos or illustrations of the home, pets if any, and the surrounding area. This helps the child understand and visualise their new living environment.
Daily routines and traditions - Outline typical daily routines and special family traditions. This might encompass mealtime rituals, weekend activities, holiday celebrations, and family outings. Understanding and participating in these routines and traditions can help the child feel more integrated into the family.
Shared interests and activities - Highlight activities that the family enjoys together, such as playing games, outdoor adventures, reading stories, or cooking. Including the child in these activities and documenting them in the book reinforces their sense of belonging and shared experiences.
4. Presentation and accessibility
The life story book should be age-appropriate, using simple language, colourful images, and engaging formats like bite-sized chapters. The aim is to make the content relatable and easy for the child to understand. Interactive elements like spaces for the child to draw, write, or add their photos and memorabilia can make the life storybook a living document that grows with the child. This encourages active participation and makes the book truly theirs.
5. A balanced narrative structure
While traditionally structured chronologically, some practitioners advocate for a format that alternates between the present and the past. Leading adoption expert Joy Rees recommends a structure that starts with the current situation (Present), delves into the child’s history (Past), returns to the present to show the child's current life and interests, and then looks forward to the child’s hopes and aspirations for the future (Future). This approach is designed to give a balanced view of the child's life, helping them feel secure in their adoptive family while acknowledging their past.
6. Adapting over time – it’s not just about the past
The life story book is not a static document but should evolve as the child grows, adding new chapters and experiences, thus helping them build on their growing sense of security and identity. Encouraging children to think about their future and document their aspirations and dreams in the book can be empowering. It helps them to look forward and envision a life full of possibilities, reinforcing a positive outlook and self-esteem.
7. Writing style
When creating the life story book for your child, consider adopting a third-person narrative style, using your child's first name. This approach can be particularly beneficial, especially for younger children, as it provides a gentler means of presenting potentially difficult or sensitive information. For example, instead of writing "I lived with Mrs. Smith for six months," you might phrase it as "[Child's Name] lived with Mrs. Smith for six months." This method can help create a slight distance, making it easier for the child to process and understand their past experiences.
It's crucial to be prepared for questions that might arise as your child engages with their life story book. Always strive to answer these questions honestly, keeping in mind your child’s age, their level of understanding, and their stage of emotional and cognitive development. It's important to tailor your responses to be age-appropriate, ensuring that the information is neither overwhelming nor too simplistic for their understanding.
8. Thread positivity
Thread positive messages throughout the book to reinforce that your child is safe and loved and to raise their self-esteem. Including messages from caregivers, family members, and friends can provide emotional support and reassurance. Affirmations and positive statements about the child's strengths, qualities, and the love surrounding them can be a source of comfort and self-assurance.
Life story books as evolving documents
The creation and maintenance of a life story book are vital in aiding an adopted child’s understanding of their personal history, helping them to navigate their feelings and thoughts about their adoption, and facilitating a strong bond with their adoptive family.
Life story books are not static; they evolve as the child grows and develops. Adoptive parents are encouraged to revisit and update the life book with the child, adding new chapters and experiences. This ongoing process helps the child integrate new experiences with their past and fosters a continuous dialogue about their identity and history.
For adoptees, understanding their history is integral to their identity formation. Life story books help in answering fundamental questions like “Who am I?” and “Where do I come from?”. By providing a narrative of their early life, life books can help adoptees deal with feelings of loss, abandonment, or confusion about their origins. This understanding is pivotal in helping them develop a positive self-image and a sense of belonging.
Life story books also serve as a guide for adoptive families, helping them navigate the complex emotions and questions that might arise as the child grows. They can be used as a tool to initiate conversations about the child's past respectfully and sensitively. This process can foster a deeper understanding and connection between the adoptive parents and the child.
In addition to adoption, life story books benefit children in foster care. They provide a sense of continuity in the lives of children who may experience multiple placements. For these children, a life book can be a comforting constant, offering a sense of stability and a personal history that travels with them.
Using life story work to enhance care
Life story books are a vital tool in the adoption and foster care processes. They offer a way for children to connect with their past, understand their personal history, and build a foundation for their future identity. For adoptive families, these books provide insights and a means to engage in meaningful dialogue with their children about their life stories. By fostering a deeper understanding of their early experiences, life books can significantly contribute to the emotional and psychological well-being of adoptees.
The creation process of these books is multifaceted and collaborative, involving birth families, social workers, foster carers, and adoptive parents. It's not just about understanding the past but also about laying a foundation for the child’s future. The blog highlights the therapeutic aspects of life books in processing past traumas, building identity and self-esteem, and strengthening familial bonds.
In this blog we’ve stressed the evolving nature of life story books, encouraging adoptive parents to update them as the child grows. This continuous updating aids in integrating new experiences with the past, fostering a dialogue about identity and history. Life story books are portrayed as crucial in helping adoptees navigate their feelings about adoption and aiding adoptive families in understanding and connecting with their children. These books are not just for adoptees but are also beneficial for children in foster care, providing a sense of continuity and personal history.
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